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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150235">Death is but a negligible interruption in our aquaintance.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doroleia/pseuds/Doroleia'>Doroleia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>...and that thing he does with his jaw, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bacta Tank (Star Wars), Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo's plump lips, Devoted Reylo, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Hell Yeah Soulmates, I'm thinking there will be smut, OTP Feels, Or like aren't they the actual definition of soulmates? Two that are one and all that?, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Rating May Change, Reylo - Freeform, Rose is a sweet pea, Soulmates, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, They are a kriffing dyad after all, erotic bacta tank floating, kind of, lending stuff from the book Dawn of the Jedi: Into the Void, life-death-how does it work?, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:30:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,706</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150235</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doroleia/pseuds/Doroleia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"She has always been there, from the moment she was born and Ben was a little troubled boy of not even ten and couldn't have possibly known what it meant  - why something inside him had changed - she's had a part of him, been a part of him. And now, all of a sudden, she isn't there with him in the universe anymore, and it's like his spine has been ripped out through his mouth, and there's nothing to keep him, his body, together."</p><p>Ben Solo is down in (more ways than one) a pit and Rey is dead on the ground and Ben is having absolutely none of that. </p><p>From here the story veers off canon, into the great unknown. Or at least into the great comfort of the trope of <em>Ben Solo Lives</em>.</p><p>"For what the Force has brought together, not even death shall dare break part"  -Old Dyad proverb. Probably. I mean why not, I'm writing this thing now!<br/></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Leaving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As in the movie, there is a fair bit of angst here, but unlike the movie, things actually goes somewhere after.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As he is tumbling through the air, bouncing against the rough and sharp protruding sides of the (rather inconveniently placed, in the middle of this great chamber,) pit the Emperor threw him down, his mind is assaulted with the images of Rey, laying on the ground before the Emperor, as lifeless as any corpse. Visions of what he suspects is a rapidly approaching future.</p><p>Each second sees him falling a million miles further away from her, and takes as many minutes, it would seem.</p><p>A lifetime of seeing the woman he now, finally, can admit to loving. It's only through a gargantuan effort of will that he can redirect his focus.</p><p> </p><p>For the first time ever, he finds himself glad he fell to the Dark Side and joined Snoke. If it weren't for his cruel methods, he would have never learned to control the Force enough to slow his fall, to let him latch on to the rocky outcrop of the side of this chasm that ought to have been his demise.</p><p>Instead he can afford himself a precious heartbeat's worth of time to collect himself, to gather what meager reserves of strength he has left, and start the arduous clamber back up.</p><p>He pushes all other thoughts and fears down, down, deeper down into his guts, and focuses only on the climb.</p><p> </p><p>Just as he dares imagine he can finally sense the rim, that his long struggle to regain footing on solid ground might be coming to an end, he is hit with her sudden disappearance from the Force.</p><p>An anvil to his chest, a ripping of his very core, a loss so fundamental within him it feels like he's imploding. A supernova collapsing in on itself, leaving only an all-consuming darkness. She has always been there, from the moment she was born and he was a little troubled boy of not even ten and couldn't have known what it meant - what he was feeling - why something inside him had changed - she's had a part of him, been a part of him. And now, all of a sudden, she isn't with him in the universe anymore, and it's like his spine has been ripped out through his mouth, and there's nothing to keep him, his body, together.</p><p>He goes instantly numb, all control over his limbs gone in a flash, and he loses his hold on the rocky wall. He tumbles down several feet before once again latching on to the only thing he has, something he would have thought had long since left him: hope.</p><p>If he can see her, be near her once again, then maybe, just maybe, an option will present itself, another way forward. As long as he's by her side, he knows he will be on the right path. She will show him what to do. Even if she's gone, she will still guide him.</p><p>He can't give up on her.</p><p>So he keeps on climbing.</p><p> </p><p>His bones, his muscles, his mind. It is all a shaking, uncontrollable mess. As he heaves himself up from the depths, he can see, but not sense her.</p><p>She's a tiny, bright-ish bundle of arms and legs and those three buns she has regressed to keeping her hair in. A lifeless puddle of a human being that once held everything worth living for. What is he without her? He all but crawls up to her, to gather her in his arms.</p><p>Looking around, hoping against hope to find someone, something, to help him. No-one has ever appeared to him when prayed for; not his grandfather, not his mother. Not even his uncle. He's always been alone, but he has never felt it quite as keenly as now. Now that he needs their help more than ever before, and it's not just him that needs their help! Rey needs their help! The rest of the galaxy needs their help! It's not just his life that will be torn apart by losing her, the whole galaxy will suffer this loss, don't they know? How could anyone abandon <em>her</em>?</p><p>He turns his gaze back to her lifeless face, giving up on waiting for anyone else to help them through this. His heart is full of fear, he knows how much it will hurt him to look into her eyes, eyes that have always held so much life, and see them now devoid of all. Those eyes have looked at him with fear, with disdain, with spite and anger and revulsion.</p><p>But also challenge and excitement, a need to prove herself and to test herself. In her eyes he has seen hope, longing, understanding and gentleness, and sometimes he has even managed to fool himself he has, maybe, just maybe, seen something that might have someday been able to grow into affection.</p><p>What he saw in them, (was it really just minutes ago? A mere half an hour?) when the Force connected them as he was facing off with his (former) Knights, should defy explanation. Those eyes of hers had held so much brightness, and such certainty. An endless supply of it, and he had drunk it all in, basked in it, let it give him life anew. And from himself had radiated a final promise, he had sworn that she would never have to be alone again. He had come to stay by her side, whatever the stipulations might be for him to be allowed to do so.</p><p> </p><p>The last time before that, when their eyes met atop the drowned wreckage of the Death Star, she had looked into his eyes and told him she <strong>had</strong> wanted to take his hand. <em>"Ben's hand"</em> she had said, and suddenly all the frayed and jagged pieces of his torn-up soul had come together.</p><p>Suddenly he had been made to see, the veil forced over his eyes had finally been lifted, by her.</p><p> </p><p>He had been made to think that only as Kylo Ren could he have any kind of value to anybody. Only as Kylo Ren would he find strength enough to fulfill his potential. Only as Kylo Ren would anyone ever want him.</p><p>She proved them all wrong. The most singular person in the galaxy told him she had wanted <em>him</em>. His old, true self. The version of him he always felt wasn't enough, the version of him that no one ever would, or could, want. The version of him that he has had to work so hard to keep tampered down, to drown within his roiling rage, who proved a much stronger adversary than Kylo Ren had been led to believe he could ever be. </p><p>He was strong for a reason, he prevailed through it all, for her. Kylo Ren could never have killed off Ben Solo, because somewhere in the densest and most well-concealed part of him, he knew what he was holding out for. He must have known he had someone extraordinary waiting for him, who would come to need his help. </p><p>Maybe Ben Solo and Kylo Ren weren't working against each other with as much vehemence as he thought, maybe they worked together without his knowing, conspiring to keep his soul hidden and intact in wait for her to finally present herself to him.</p><p> </p><p>Even if it took him dying by her hand for him to realize it.</p><p>Dying and being resurrected, by her same, deft hands.</p><p>Contained in a single vessel resides both capacity for salvation and destruction alike. The look in her eyes as she had pulled his hissing saber from his stomach had born no semblance to the one she displayed as she rested her hand against his mortal wound, but still they came from the same place.</p><p> </p><p><em>"We all contain multitude, there are such depths"</em>,  whispers in the back of his mind.</p><p> </p><p>They are two that are one, are they not? The power in her is also the power in him. A Dyad in the Force, connected and bound together in a way that has never been fathomed the likes of before.</p><p> </p><p>She had <em>brought him back from the brink of death</em>. Something he had never thought possible, a power Snoke would have never bothered teaching, because survival of the fittest and all that, and at Luke's Jedi Academy such powers would have been considered too unnatural to be trifled with.</p><p> </p><p>But she had learned, of course she had. She had never had anyone else's ideas and restrictions forced upon her. She had, like she always seem to have done, done whatever she wanted.</p><p> </p><p>And if she knows how to do it, then so must he.</p><p> </p><p>Besides, he doesn't need all this soul all to himself. The Force, their Dyad, must know he would willingly give her everything there is of him that could be of value to her.</p><p>So he focuses his mind and memory on what it was she did, how it had felt inside him, what he had felt from inside of her. He reaches down through those depths he apparently contains, drawing on a reserve of power he wouldn't have imagined being there a moment ago.</p><p>He lets all the love he knows he feels for her course through him and out, concentrating it into a single point in his hand, and then he <em>pushes</em>.</p><p>He feeds it, lets it out, allows it to cascade through him and into her. His breath, his heartbeat, his warmth and his very will to live: he gives it all to her. Whatever there is left of their once shared soul.</p><p> </p><p>He gives and he gives and then, just as he fears there is nothing left of him to give, miraculously, he is rewarded! Her hand, warm and pulsating with life, covers his where he has pressed it against her abdomen. Her head comes up and her eyes are once again filled with the sparkle of life. </p><p>The relief he feels at seeing her lips part to draw breath, at feeling the muscles under her tunic contract as she fills up with air, pales in comparison to what he feels in the Force, in their bond. It feels more than whole, more than merely fixed. Her lifeforce blossoming back up in the Force, her presence in him and her part of the bond is something so beautiful, so perfect, so <em>right</em> he can't begin to describe it.</p><p> </p><p>”Ben!” she exhales, and she sounds <em>happy</em>  to see him, to have him near! He feels close to crying. Be it from ecstasy or exhaustion, he doesn't care. All that matters is that she is alive and well in his arms. That she looks to be happy to see him is a bonus, and one he can hardly believe himself to be deserving of.</p><p>But then it gets even better. She cradles his face in her perfectly strong and capable hands, she strokes her thumb against his bottom lip, and as she lowers her gaze, from his eyes to his lips, he has but a split second to register what it is she's planning to do.</p><p> </p><p>Her lips press against his, filled with life and love and gratitude and hope. He can't believe his luck. He can't believe that all that he has felt over the past couple of days, minutes, seconds, years, it's all there! All that he feels for her, she reciprocates, and more.</p><p> </p><p>She breaks away from the kiss, leans backwards to search for his eyes, as if she wants confirmation that she hasn't done anything wrong, that she hasn't overstepped any bounds of his.</p><p> </p><p>He feels such joy, such astonishment, he can't help but laugh.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>If this is what my life was meant for, if all those years of torment and doubt and hate and hurt, was always meant to lead up to this precise moment, it was worth it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>This second of unbridled joy and perfect bliss and coming together and finally understanding the meaning of 'feeling whole' and finding his other half and experience balance and certainty, it cancels all else out.</p><p>In her eyes he can see those same emotions reflected, and the smile that splits her face open is the most radiant thing he has ever seen.</p><p> </p><p>This moment in time is perfect.</p><p> </p><p>And all perfection must end. The fleetingness is what makes it precious, the fact that it is short-lived is what gives it such meaning.</p><p> </p><p>He can feel this moment slipping past him, this most hallowed place in time, the culmination of his rather wretched life coming to an end, and he has no regrets.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Well, maybe if he had made other choices, then maybe he could have found her sooner and maybe then he could have had a different life.</p><p>Maybe he could have shared a whole, long life with her, his bondmate, and gotten to fully experience what it is to be loved and to love without fear.</p><p> </p><p>As his eyes grow dim and she drifts out of focus, he can see flashes of that different life. Of the two of them, hand in hand, walking the streets of a bustling city. Anonymous and just two humans in love. A shared household, children with brown hair and stubbornness to spare running around their legs, laughter and compromise, all that it is to share a life with someone.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A beautiful lifetime in a second.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And then it all fades, turns to black.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And he knows no more.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She is safe and bolstered and nothing hurts. She is filled with a sense of having played her part, of truly being done, and now she is finally being rewarded with rest, and softness, and ease.</p><p>She floats in the soft and golden glow for somewhere between a heartbeat and an eternity. Around her universes collapses and explode anew, and she needs not worry about a thing, because she knows everyone is going to be <em>just fine</em>. All else fades away, her memories and who she once was, it all means nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Everything is beautiful contentment.</p><p> </p><p>A sudden flash, like a bolt of lightning disturbs her perfect peace. She looks around, trying to make out where it came from, but is again startled, now by sound, high and whining, from the opposite side of her. As she turns to look for the source of that, she is stabbed through her entire being, shocked by a pain so intense it shrieks through all of her six senses.</p><p>As air is drawn down through her throat and into her lungs, the pain is gone as suddenly as it appeared, and the memory of that other place slips quietly through the labyrinth of her brain, to dissipate with her exhale.</p><p> </p><p>The first thing she sees is the eyes of someone who loves her.</p><p> </p><p>She isn't quite clear with what has transpired before this moment, but looking into the eyes of Ben Solo, feeling his warm hand underneath her own, inexplicably cold one, she finds she doesn't care. </p><p>Her mind is a blissful blank and the only word she knows, the only word she needs is his name.</p><p> </p><p>"Ben!" she breathes out in wonder, because all feels new. She wants to touch his face, as she has wanted to so many times in the past but never allowed herself to, and now she can't think of a single reason for her not to. Why deny herself so simple a pleasure? One she's sure he'd be more than willing to grant her?</p><p>She places the hand not holding his, at the side of his face. It feels like she imagined it would, soft but angular, raspy but smooth.</p><p> </p><p><em>"He contains multitudes, there are such depths" </em>echoes faintly in the back of her mind, but she pays it no mind, because all she wants is to feel that plump bottom lip of his.</p><p> </p><p>She stares at it, as she has been known to do on way too many occasions. But now, she can finally touch it. She lets her thumb trace across it, looking at the way it gives under her slight pressure, and knows she must taste it. She hesitates for a fraction of a second, and then she all but lunges at him.</p><p> </p><p>It's soft and firm, and hot and slick, and heady and perfect, perfect, <em>perfect</em>. The only reason she stops, the only reason she manages to pull herself away from this wondrous moment, is a weird hiccup in the Force. A waver, a feedback of sorts.</p><p>She can't bring herself to let go of him, so her hand still lingers on his face as she draws back to search his eyes for the source of the disturbance. What she sees in his face, in his eyes, is enough to melt her heart and kill her all over again.</p><p> </p><p>He smiles.</p><p> </p><p>He smiles. Not just a garden variety smile either, but a laugh actually accompanies it! She has never seen anything as adorably endearing as the dimples in his cheeks, as the wrinkles around his eyes, as the row of teeth he bares as the corners of his lips are drawn upward, for once.</p><p> </p><p>She is transfixed, and that must be why she neglects to note his light wavering, his hold on their bond slacking off. It's not until his absence is roaring through the Force and he falls back like a sack of scavenged spare parts, she realizes what's going on. </p><p> </p><p>For a few terrifying moments she feels all but helpless, looking at the body of Ben but without being able to feel him. It's all wrong, and she can't make neither heads nor tails of it.</p><p>It's not until she has a vision of him fading away from existence that she realizes she hasn't got any time to spare.</p><p> </p><p>She turns inwards, rifling through herself to find that part of her that's always been connected to him. It used to be at the forefront of her mind at all times, but now she has to search for it, frantically.</p><p>When she finally reaches it, in her mind it's a red, fraying thread, she concentrates on it and pulls on it.</p><p>Always the thread has been stretched taut, a bowstring vibrating through the Force, emitting a low and vibrant tone. Now it's slack. She pulls on it, afraid to find herself reaching an empty end. The further along the thread she goes, the more frayed and frazzled it becomes, thinner and more delicate. When the red starts to dull and grow black, the thread shrinks down to the thickness of a hair, and she can feel the despair growing in her heart, soon to overwhelm her.</p><p> </p><p>But even as she, metaphorically, stumbles along, afraid and careful to not tear apart the fragile string that's all that's left, she can feel herself coming to a stop.</p><p>The thread isn't severed, she hasn't reached it's end, but she can go no further.<br/>
She's at a divide, not unlike when she stood in front of the mirror down in the cave on Ahch-To. There is something on the other side that she needs to see, but isn't allowed to.</p><p> </p><p><em>"Please. Let me see."</em> she breathes, much the same way as she did back then. And this time, the shadows on the other side solidifies and becomes clear, and the hand of Ben Solo reaches out for her, places his hand against the barrier between them.</p><p> </p><p>She is jolted back into reality, back to the floor of Palpatine's chambers on Exegol. But now she's got something. Not much, but it's enough. Enough to make relief flood through her, a burning hope blossoming like a meadow full of flowers. All is not lost.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She takes a hold of the thin strand of their bond that's all that's left of it, and guides it. Looking into the unseeing eyes of Ben Solo, she wills it to connect, to regrow, to knot itself in his very being, once again.</p><p>What she saw inside herself, what she thinks the Force showed her, is that he still exists. Maybe not in the same realm as her, but somewhere very near, just round the corner.</p><p>She envisions the thin strands of their Dyad snaking through his veins, filling him with the essence of what it means to be a part of Two That Are One.</p><p> </p><p>They belong together, whether his body knows this or not, she knows she can make him stay by her side, because that's the will of the Force.</p><p>The network she's spreading throughout his body starts to pulse with red again, and she can feel it continue to take root in him, all of its own accord. She can feel how the bond resurrects itself, starting to become the living, breathing thing she once knew it as.</p><p> </p><p>Still, it feels like being tied to a dead thing. As if all she is bonded to now is the empty vessel of his body. She tries to feed some of herself to him, her will to live and her love for him, but she knows she has precious little of it to spare, having just come back from the dead herself.</p><p> </p><p>As long as she is still inside him, upholding the connection between them, she knows he'll be tethered to this plane. He won't fade away into the Force, so she can afford to take it slow now.</p><p> </p><p>And take it slow she does, feeding him little by little of what she can, and waiting for it to have some sort of effect. It's probably not as long as it feels like, that she sits there on the cold floor, her eyes closed and her hands lightly touching his chest.</p><p> </p><p>But it feels like a new forever.</p><p> </p><p>Then: The barest flutter, underneath her hands. She fears she might have imagined it, but as the minutes go by, she dares to let herself believe. It grows steadier, if not stronger. A rhythmic but tiny beating heart.</p><p> </p><p>She holds her breath as she retracts herself from him, as she stops feeding him life. They're the most tense seconds of her entire existence, waiting to see if his chest will continue to rise almost imperceptibly, if his heart will continue to pump blood through his huge frame. The seconds trickle by, becomes minutes, and still he breathes.</p><p> </p><p>She finally allows herself to relax enough to move her eyes away from him, in search of a way out. If she hadn't been completely and utterly depleted, she might have been able to float him using the Force, but as it is now there's no way in hell she'll be able to drag his heavy ass back to her ship.</p><p>She looks around, hoping to find some sort of gurney, or anything with wheels, really, not yet ready to give in to the fear that the Emperor relied wholly on the Force to move his weird Snoke-clones and deteriorating body and what-not about.</p><p>It's not ideal, what she finds, but then again, when is something ever? </p><p> </p><p>She manages to coax his unwieldy, unconscious form up and over the set of mobile drawers she found, with little help from the Force and almost only the muscles built by years of scavenging.</p><p>And then she's finally on her way out of this horrid chamber and all that had taken place there.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><p>It's not a happy Rey that finally makes her way back to her decrepit X-wing.</p><p>The going has not been smooth. If it hasn't been uneven ground because of stones and gravel, it's been littered with dead Knights of Ren.</p><p>She lost count of how many times they had to stop so she could drag an inconveniently fallen foe out of their way. Ben has fallen off his makeshift carrier far too many times for her not to believe he will have most definitely obtained some sort of brain damage.</p><p> </p><p>The idea that he survived a lightsaber through his abdomen, the Emperor and then revived her and then was brought back to life, only for her to be the one to permanently damage him while trying to save him isn't the best company she could have right now.</p><p> </p><p>She's been preoccupied, to say the least. That's why it's not until she's finally standing in front of Luke's old X-wing, that she realizes: this won't work.</p><p>The ship is built for one, there is no way in all the hells that she'd be able to coax him into the ship and also fit herself in it.</p><p>Her eyes turn instead to the ship beside it, the old imperial era TIE-fighter she assumes he came here in. A quick inspection tells her the chances of them both leaving the planet in that ship are the same as for her ship. Nil.</p><p> </p><p>She is so tired now.</p><p>She has fought so hard, and she kriffing died! How much more could she possibly be forced to endure? </p><p> </p><p>She sinks to her knees besides the still-unconscious form of the man formerly known as Ben Solo. The form she hopes will become him once again, soon.</p><p>On her knees she lets her head fall forward, resting against his chest. Her ear pressed against his weak but steady heartbeat. For this, for him, she'll endure anything and everything. Finally a thought that is a comforting one, and it lends her resolve to do what she knows she must to save them both. Closing her eyes, she once again sinks into herself, lets herself connect to the Force.</p><p> </p><p>"Be with me" she whispers, and then she zeroes in on a specific bright light in the Force, and sends away a plea: "Finn".</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><p>By the time the Falcon lands on Exegol, Ben's heartbeat has actually grown stronger. He's not responsive in any way, but his breath is even and deep enough. She dares to leave him by himself on the ground as she walks over to meet the Falcon as it's coming down for landing.</p><p>Finn is the first one off, sweeping her up in his warm and safe arms. She returns his hug with as much love and affection as she has, but she does stagger a little as he releases her.</p><p> </p><p>"What happened, Rey?" asks Finn with a worried creak between his eyebrows. "I felt you... die?" The last word is hard for him to say, she can tell.</p><p> </p><p>While they've been standing there, Chewbacca has lumbered out on the gangway and is standing, as frozen in carbonite, a few steps further down. His face turned away from Rey, instead fixed on the black form laying between the two old ships.</p><p> </p><p>Rey is about to try her best at answering Finn when Chewbacca interrupts with a low growl. Even Finn can tell he's asking a question, even if he can't understand what it is.</p><p>Rey understands him just fine, though.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes" she answers him.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie makes a new noise that sounds like a question.</p><p> </p><p>"No, there's not. There's nothing left of Kylo Ren. Not anymore" she answers him quietly.</p><p> </p><p>At this Finn starts looking around, worriedly asking "What about Kylo Ren? Is he here?"</p><p> </p><p>Neither Rey nor Chewie pays him any attention though, Rey having made her way over to where Chewbacca stands, still looking off into the distance.</p><p> </p><p>His growl is quiet, tentative, almost scared now.</p><p> </p><p>Rey puts a hand on his arm, making him look down at her. "Yeah he is. At least for now, but I don't think he's doing too well." She makes sure her eyes tell him what her voice can't, that there is no time to lose, that they should hurry up, for the sake of his continued living.</p><p> </p><p>Behind them Finn is still confused, "what's happening?" he yells after them, as Rey leads Chewie by the hand, away from the ship and towards the old X-wing and TIE-fighter Finn can see not far away from them. On the ground he can make out a form that looks suspiciously like a person, and he starts to connect the dots.</p><p>He still stays on the ramp to the Falcon, waiting for Rey and Chewbacca to return. Now there's a large man cradled in Chewie's arms, and it almost looks like he's cradling a baby, with how mindful he seems to be of the body's comfort, and how warm his eyes look as he keeps stealing glances down at the face resting against his hairy chest.</p><p> </p><p>As they come close enough for Finn to make out features on the face snuggled up in Chewie's fur, he blurts out "Is that Kylo Ren you're carrying aboard this ship?" His voice with a frantic tinge to it.</p><p> </p><p>Chewbacca's answering growl can't be understood as anything other than "This is <b>my</b> ship!" and that anyone who dares to question his decisions might just as well start to walk home.</p><p> </p><p>Finn almost staggers backwards with surprise at how angry Chewie seems.</p><p>Rey steps away from the pair as they continue onwards, into the ship. She lays her hand on Finn's arm and looks deep into his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"Kylo Ren had a huge scar over his face, remember?" She waits for Finn to nod, even if he does so in a confused manner. "And did you see a scar on<em> this</em> face?" she asks as she nods towards the corridor where the pair disappeared.</p><p> </p><p>Finn shakes his head no.</p><p> </p><p>"So that can't possibly be Kylo Ren then, right?" she implores, and Finn isn't a hundred percent certain she isn't trying to use some sort of Jedi mind trick on him, but he can only shake his head in affirmation. "Right" Rey says as she squeezes his arm before dropping it, "then let's get off this kriffing planet".</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not a native English speaker, so if you find me repeating the same mistakes, please let me know so I can learn &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Arriving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rey, Chewie, Finn and an unconscious former Supreme Leader arrives at the rebel base.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You know what?<br/>Instead of trying to continue with this long ass chapter, how about I just split it in two, so that I can update this?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey sits in the co-pilot chair, Chewbacca at her left, as they go through the landing sequence.<br/>
They're here, they're arrived. It took for-fucking-ever and still she hasn't had time enough to prepare for what's to come.<br/>
Behind her, she can feel the waves of irritation and annoyance coming off of Finn. He's not happy, that much has been made abundantly clear. To everyone onboard.</p><p>What scares Rey the most is, that once they've landed, his opinion will be the prevailing one, and her and Chewies thoughts on the matter will be considered abnormal.<br/>
She glances over at the wookie in question, and Chewie seems to pick up on her worries, as he let's out a low rumble, just a tiny bit of fangs showing. </p><p>They've had this discussion, many times over in the last hours. They've even dropped down to sub-light on numerous occations, just to delay their coming to Ajan Kloss.</p><p>But now the time has run out, and Rey has already made her decision.<br/>
She made it, and she has to stick with it, even if she can't quite remember all of the reasons that led her to believe this was the right way to go on about this.</p><p>She lets a shiver run through her whole body, a trait she has picked up from Chewie, as if to shake out all the long fur that doesn't cover her body, a gesture that tells Chewie all he needs to know, to continue on with the descent as planned. </p><p><em>”Gods, I can't wait to get off this weird ship with these weird versions of my weird friends...” </em>Finn is projecting, and try as she might, Rey can't block him all the time. His awakening in the Force is as welcome as it is a nuisance right now.<br/>
She loves Finn, she does, but right now it isn't as easy being his friend as it had been from the moment they got out of their first shoot-out with the First Order together. </p><p>He has made his opinion on this whole Kylo Ren versus Ben Solo thing depressingly clear.</p><p> </p><p>From the moment the ramp to the Falcon closed on Exegol, he has been exhibiting behaviour that's led her to believe him to be less than thrilled, to say the least.<br/>
Reys whole ”he doesn't have the scar!” left him no closer to believing that the bloody, sooty, sweaty and broken lump of human in Chewies arms wasn't Kylo Ren than anything else she has had to say on the subject while en route to the Rebel Base.</p><p>As Chewbacca hooked Ben up to a med droid and slapped bacta pads over every visible surface, Rey and Finn sat in the galley in a heavy and loud silence.<br/>
From somewhere deeper in the ship they could hear Chewie's low grumblings, machines beeping and behind all that, almost too low to hear, a rattling but steady breath.<br/>
Rey focuses on that, on the air she knows is being dragged down into Ben's lugns, giving oxygen and life to his muscles, keeping his heart beating.</p><p>When she finally dared/had the strength to lift her eyes to Finn's, she found them already trained on her. She knew his focus hadn't left her for even a second since they sat down.</p><p>The breath she draws and the subsequent sigh she heaves is deep enough that the creaking of her straining ribs can be heard, even where Finn sits, two meters to her side, and he winces slightly. </p><p>”What do you want to know?” she asks, at a complete loss herself as to where to start, or what he's even thinking right now. His Force signature is a vortex, a swirl of emotions so dense, so quick, she has no way of untangling his mind, should she have been so inclined. She isn't though. That wouldn't be right. </p><p>Finn is quiet for a little while longer, and Rey can se questions flitter by in his eyes, all of them in too rapid a stream to be picked apart.<br/>
When he settles on ”What happened to his scar?” as the first question, she's so surprised she can't help but huff out a laugh.</p><p>Finn looks like he would like to be able to join her in relaxing a little bit, but he's not there yet. She desperatley wishes he will though. Some day.</p><p>”I'm not one hundred percent sure, but I think it healed when I healed him on the Death Star wreckage.”</p><p>”That's the last time I saw you. Then nothing, until I felt you die, Rey.”</p><p>”It was just for a little while...” she tries to console, downplay the whole ordeal. As baffling as it is, she feels <b>guilty</b> about dying! Like she had no right to leave Finn, or the resistance, or anyone else that might ever be in need of a Jedi. She doesn't want him to think ill of her for giving up, giving in, and actually dying. That's messed up, even she can recognize that.</p><p>”Still, death is usually a pretty definitive state, you know. The only one I can think of that has come back from the dead, is the Emperor, and that literally JUST happened.” </p><p>Rey looks down at her hands. The ones that shot lightning. That Ben (no, Kylo) said contained the Emperor's power. ”You have power, <em>his</em> power”, he had told her. But that's not all she has, all she is. She is also no one, a blank slate, a person with an infinitive number of options and directions to take.<br/>
Fuck <em>his</em> power, she has made her own.<br/>
Or rather, the Force has made her power, and made it split in two...</p><p>”Me and Ben (Finn rolls his eyes aaaaall the way back in his head, and Rey indulges him) Fine, Kylo, whatever, we are something called a Dyad in the Force. I didn't know until we met at Kef Bir.”<br/>
She fidgets with her fingers, her cuticles, and lets loose the next string of words that feel like the scariest ones so far.<br/>
”I think we kind of have unlimited power, but split evenly between us? So when I killed him, I couldn't let him die. So I healed him, like that huge snake on Pasaana, you remember?  And I think that maybe I overdid it, because it also healed his scar. I don't know about the rest of his body, if all of those scars are gone as well.”</p><p>She can tell the exact moment Finn goes from being incredulous about her talking of how she first killed Kylo, then healed him, to being quite literally shocked out of his system, at her casual mentioning of ”all the rest of the scars on his body”. She can tell because the churning vortex of emotions simply ceases to exist, and all she can sense from Finn is the empty wind blowing over the dunes of the Sinking Fields back at her old home. </p><p>”... I mean, I assume,” she tries to smooth things over. The shock at least have the effect of restarting the whole conversation, and from here on out they talk more like before. Like friends instead of like two opposing sides of an interrogation. ”Sooooo, that's why he hasn't got a scar no more...”</p><p>”Stars and skies, Rey, this whole story is a bit much to take in, you know?”</p><p>”Honestly Finn, I haven't even gotten to the part where I died yet. It's gonna get more of too much. You think you're ready for it?”</p><p>"Does it matter? I still want to know. But I've got a feeling I am gonna need some caf to wash this story down." He rises from the sofa, but turns to look at her. "And by the looks of it, so do you."</p><p>
Rey smiles at him, letting her shoulders relax a teeny, tiny bit. She'd much rather shed the horribly dirty and ruined tatters that's left of her clothing, stand in the sonic for long enough to wash the memories of this day away, and then curl up next to Ben and sleep for as long as possible. The thought of not telling Finn all that has happened before they reach Ajan Kloss is, unfortunately, even more off-putting than the smell lingering in the air around her, and caf will help her.<br/>
"Yes please thank you, Finn" she can tell him and still have gratefulness at the forefront of her mind, to project it at Finn to put him at ease.
</p><p>
It goes haltingly, of course. She can appreciate that the story she's telling must sound rather fantastical, even to someone who has seen as much as Finn. 
The caf has helped some, but she still has to struggle to sort through all that has happened to be able to tell it in a semblance of linear form.
</p><p>"And then when the Emperor killed me, he, Ben I mean, came back and healed, or not healed, because I was really all the way dead by then, so he more like brought me back? But he used too much of himself, of his power, he gave it all to me, I guess, and so <em> he</em> died. Again. Or he never fully died that first time, but still. And I barely managed to bring him back that second time, and I still don't know to what extent I actually did, if there's enough of him left to even be considered to be Ben Solo, but what I do know is, that without a doubt, Kylo Ren died on the Death Star. I killed him. Ben killed him."<br/>
She takes a deep breath and tosses back the last, cold dregs of caf. There. She did it, she has told him everything she can now, and surely sleep can't be too far away from her?

</p><p>Finn is quiet for a while. She hadn't expected him to be able to process it all in a jiffy, or anything, but she does wonder if it'll take him long enough for her to be able to sneak in a quick turn in the sonic... Alas, he has recovered far more quickly than she would have thought. </p><p>"You saying there's not a shred of darkness left in him?"</p><p>"No, that's not what I'm saying at all, I'm saying he's a mixture. Like me. Not all light, not all dark, but like people are most, you know? Even we who have access to the Force can be allowed to contain bits of both sides. Just like I do, ...like you do, Finn."</p><p>He looks at her sharply, eyes slitted and calculating. "You know?" </p><p>Rey smiles through her fatigue. "Of course I know. And I would wish nothing more than to be there with you, for you, to do this whole 'Force'-thing with you. I would love to share it with you. I mean, you're my best and only friend..."</p><p>She tries her best to get back the feeling that has been so constant in her relationship with Finn. The feeling of obvious belonging between them, <em> you're my best and only friend</em> something they've been jokingly saying to each other for as long as it's been true, and then some.</p><p>It looks like it'll work, for a second. Finn smiles that smile at her that reminds her of home and trust, but it's there but a moment, and then the tiresome shadow of worry settles over his familiar features again.</p><p>"I wish I could be certain, Rey, I wish I could believe as easily as you (she want's to tell him to stuff his 'easy', because this has been anything but)<br/>
But when I saw him, all I could think of was how he killed Han, how he threw you in to a tree, how he tortured you and Poe and how he Sliced Up My Entire Back." He has worked up some of that old ire again, his voice rising in volume before he clenches his jaw tight enough for Rey to hear his teeth grind. "I don't know if I even want to be able to look at him and see anything else, Rey."</p><p>"Well, I wish you would, because this whole Dyad thing means something beyond just the two of us, and we're gonna need to stay together, alive, to figure that out. I won't turn him over to be tried and sentenced for the crimes he comitted while Kylo Ren, I can't risk it. I can't risk him, Finn."</p><p>"But you can risk the safety of everyone else in the Resistance, is that what you are willing to risk?"</p><p>"But, I know there is no risk, Finn. There's nothing to fear from him anymore, all that's left is the son of Leia, of Han. Not the puppet that Snoke and the Emperor tried to make of him. He's <em>so strong</em>, Finn, you have no idea. That he kept a part, however small, of himself locked away and alive all those years when Snoke did what he could to torture it out of him? I can't imagine holding out hope for so long..."

Rows upon rows of scratched tallymarks on the inside of an imperial walker belies that statement. She thinks that had she known what she was waiting for, maybe she too would have been able to withstand any kind of torture, for how ever long a time. </p><p>"I'm sorry, Rey. You ask too much of me when you expect me to just go with this. I won't. I can't." He looks at her with sorrow, determination and just enough venom to really, really drive his point home. "And neither will Poe. Or anyone else, for that matter."</p><p>She knows it's a big ask, but she had hoped, considering all she's done, all she's lost and sacrificed, that her word and her certainty would hold more meaning than this. That Finn, at least, would <em>want</em> to trust her.<br/>
"Could we take a break? I really need to get out of these clothes and rest. Please, can't we talk this through again before we get to Ajan Kloss? Please, Finn?" She sounds pathetic, and she hopes that will thaw him enough.<br/>
<br/>
He flexes his cheeks and does not look happy, but he nods at her, once, and Rey takes it as a victory. "Thank you" she whispers with what might just be the absolute last of her ability to speak, and then she finally, <b>finally,</b> makes her way towards the sonic, and then after, maybe even some sweet, sweet rest.
 </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><br/><br/><p>
She never did get that rest. Once clean enough and in what clothes she could find that wasn't utterly disgusting, she and Finn continued their discussion on the subject of the former Supreme Leader and how to face the situation at hand.
Rey's idea to just not mention Kylo Ren at all, and claim she somehow found the long lost son of the General and brought him back, is unilaterally vetoed against by Finn.<br/>
His suggestion of presenting him as a 'hopefully braindead' Kylo Ren, to be locked up while awaiting a possible change in that status, is not recieved much better by Rey.
</p><p>
In the end neither of them budge, but Finn will at least let Rey tell her story herself first, before he announces the 'capture of Kylo Ren' to the resistance at large, and the last leg of the journey is spent in uncomfortable silence. Rey would have preferred to have spent that time next to Ben, as unconscious as him, but can't help but feel uneasy at the thought of leaving Finn unsupervised. It's not that she think he'd be able to sway Chewie's mind in any way, but she feels the need to somewhat monitor his feelings. She can't stand the thought of him resenting her, and don't want to give him the impression that she'd much rather spend her time with Ben than with him. Even though it might be true. 
</p><p>

When the Falcon finally powers down and the ramp lowers for them to disembark, Finn is the first one off. Rey follows somewhat more cautiously, and Chewie brings up the rear, Ben once again cradled in his long, strong arms. That he can make Ben appear small and fragile would bring a smile to Rey's lips, were it not so painful to see that huge and powerful body of his reduced to a cluster of brittle bones.
</p><p>At least she can be confident in that as long as Chewbacca is carrying him, nothing bad will ever happen to Ben Solo. Of this Rey is certain.<br/>
He parts the throng of people, those in good enough shape to be out of the med bay and not asleep mill around outside, hugging and crying and talking and celebrating, and they all want to greet the newcomers. Chewie can just soldier on like he doesn't even notice the diminutive humans that scatter out of his way, but Rey ain't so lucky. </p><p> 
She and Finn get separated, each of them called upon to different groups, and Rey has no way of knowing if he is able to keep his word on letting her explain to them who it is they've brought back with them.<br/>
She finds herself thankful that she never got any rest on the way here, because apparently her apperance is enough to explain why she can't stay and tell everyone her side of the story. Her staggering gait, bloodshot eyes and deep, purple circles underneath them is all the excuse she needs to get out of socializing.
</p><p>Finally free of everyone pressing in on her, wanting to hug and congratulate her, she spares not a second in locating Ben.<br/>
Once she's by his side, Chewie grunts something about the Falcon and ups and leaves, and Rey is finally alone with her bondmate, and she can once again breathe freely.
</p><p>
He's floating in a huge glass tube full of bacta, and there are tubes pumping him full of blood and painkillers and Rey knows not what. She still can't feel much of him through the bond, but now she can't be sure if that's because of the drugs in his system, or something more worrisome.

</p><p>
She flops down gracelessly on the floor, unwilling to waste any time being away from him by finding a chair for herself, and proceeds to more or less pass out.
</p><p>
The next thing she knows is Poe's gentle hand on her shoulder, and his voice low and soothing in her ear.<br/>
She's grown so used to hearing him being all annoyed and yelling at her that this, his carefulness with her, more than anything jolts her awake in terror.
</p><p>
"What's happening?" she all but cries out, whipping her head back and forth in search of danger.<br/>
By the door stands Finn and Rose, arms crossed over their chests and looks of concern warring with disdain on their faces. In front of her is Poe, crouching and worried expression on his tired face. Just behind her is the tank full of bacta and Ben Solo, still unconcsious. 
</p><p>
"Hey, relax, nothing's happening" says Poe, his hands held up in front of him, the universal sign for <em> Chill the fuck out</em>. He ducks his head to search out her eyes, forcing her to look at him. "I just want to talk to you, that's all."
</p><p>
Rey looks at him, then at Finn. <em>So much for not telling anyone about Kylo Ren</em> her mind grumbles in irritation. She arranges her limbs in a somewhat more dignified position, leaving her sitting up on the cold stone floor. "Sure, yes, of course, Poe."
</p><p>
"I thought maybe we could get out of here? Maybe get you something to eat? You must be starving! Maybe a shower and a change of clothes might do you well, whaddya say?" 
</p><p>
He's got that trademark Dameron smile and glint in his eyes, the one he uses to get his will through. Rey tenses up immediately. </p><p>

"I'm not leaving his side, Dameron" she tells him in a short and clipped tone. 
</p><p>
His friendly face drops in an instant, only to be replaced by his implacable Commander-face. She can see the muscles in his jaw tense and relax, disclosing the grinding of his teeth.
</p><p>
"Fine, let's do this right now, right here then. Why is Kylo kriffing Ren at MY base, using up MY people's supply of medical aid? Why is he here when every other person in his family isn't, in fact, is DEAD because of him? Hm, Rey? Can you PLEASE explain that to me?"
</p><p>
She turns to Finn with an accusing stare as she begins to tell him "you <em>promised</em> Finn..." but she is interrupted by Poe.
</p><p>
"Oh please, he didn't need to tell me anything, you think I wouldn't recognize the son of Leia, that I practically <em>grew up with</em>??"
</p><p>
Well this is news to Rey. She turns to him with a whiplash-inducing speed, only to find herself at a loss for words.</p><p>

"Do you see, Rey? You don't know <em> anything </em> about this man! You don't know where he came from, what he's done, who he is!" Poe's voice only grows louder and louder, muffled by the big vats of liquid in the room, keeping the echoes from growing indefinitely. 
</p><p>

She wants to say she knows enough. That she knows about the part that counts, the part where he turned back to Ben Solo and left Kylo Ren behind for dead. She wants to explain to Poe, to Finn, to Rose, about the bond that exists between them, that ensures she knows him most intimately. More so than someone who knew him when he felt all alone in the galaxy, when he needed a friend but obviously didn't mean enough to be worthy of help and support from Poe.
</p><p>
"Kylo Ren is dead..." Rey tries to say through bitten tight teeth, but is interrupted, quite rudly, by Poe.</p><p>

"You can say that all you want, Rey, but the fact is, that it was Ben Solo who burned Skywalker's temple down! It was <em> Ben Solo</em> who chose to turn his back on his family! It was <em>Ben Solo</em> who had to be sent away from the city, out to a kriffing jungle planet, where he wouldn't run the risk of hurting as many people as he could have, when he failed to control himself, time after time after <b>time!</b>"
</p><p>
Rey can feel her cheeks, her throat, her eyes, burning. With wrath and with a need for vengeance.
"You. It was people like you who made sure he had nowhere else to run to. It was you, people just like you, who was responsible for his fall, just as much as he himself was!" Poe tries to cut in, but she only increases her voice, refusing to be led astray. "But you know what? He was stronger than you! He was stronger than anyone could have ever imagined! Because he <em>didn't </em> let you break him! He never could give up himself completely! Against all odds, he kept a part of himself alive, Poe! He fucking<em> endured</em>! "</p><p>
They stare at each other, nostrils flaring and knuckles cracking and chests heaving with extersion.
"Don't you dare presume to tell me you know him. You never bothered enough to listen to him to understand what he went through. From before he was born, Snoke was there, whispering lies and promises in his mind, trying to corrupt him. And it took him more than twenty years to succumb!"

</p><p>"And how can you be sure of this, Rey? Why wouldn't he lie about his reasons for turning to the dark side, if it gets you over to his side?" Poe sound exasperated, just plain <em>done</em> with Rey, with this whole situation.</p><p>Rey on the other hand is finally where she needs to be. Here she can honestly say she has the upper hand, she sits on information that ought to nip this whole discussion before the bud blooms out and whiters.<br/>
"Because we can see each others minds, every thought, every intent, every lie he's ever told, I know it all, like I know myself. We have a bond in the Force..." She hesitates, unsure if it's too much information to dump on Dameron, or if it might throw her into harms way as well as Ben.<br/>
<br/>
After a second she realizes that if she's ever to tell him, it must be done now.<br/>
<br/>
"We actually share one soul between us."<br/>
<br/>
She dares hardly breathe after this admission, afraid of what this might make Poe think of her. As it happens, he just stares at her, his brow frozen in a frown. She feels compelled to keep explaining, even though she barely knows enough herself.<br/>
"We are something called a Dyad, it's a super rare occurence between two Force sensitive beings, where  a soul is divided between two bodies, so that they together can channel more power, I guess. If it weren't for this Dyad thing, we would have never been able to defeat Palpatine".</p><p>
At the mentioning of Palpatine, Poe reanimates.
"He helped you with the Emperor? To take him down?"
</p><p>
It's Rey's turn to frown now. "Yeah, of course he did, why did you think I were with him in the first place?"
</p><p>
"Hell if I know, Rey! Last time I saw you was on Kef Bir, before you, apparently, had some epic show down with Kylo Ren in the middle of a storming sea! What the fuck am I supposed to think when the next time we meet, you're toting that same asshole, only now slightly more unconscious?!"
</p><p>
Rey hadn't thought of that. 
"I hadn't thought of that", she very obligingly offers up.
She tells Poe of what happened after she sneaked off from them to find that damn wayfinder on the Death Star, only to find Kylo Ben instead.
She doesn't, however, say anything about any sort of relationship between her and the late Emperor. Some things might be too hard to swallow. If for Poe or for herself, she isn't yet prepared to examinate.
</p><p>
Once she's finished her tale of, about equal parts woe, death and resurrection, she walks over to Poe, slowly, like she's approaching a wild animal.
She reaches for his hands, and he gives them to her, let's her hold them in her cold and clammy ones.

</p><p>"Does that buy me, and him, some time? Will you let us stay here, and wait with announcing his presence and all that will undoubtedly follow that, 'til he's conscious again?" She can't help but squeeze his hands, to try and convey the urgency of her plea. How desperately she needs him to show her the tiniest bit of mercy.<br/>
She remembers something she's heard Leia say on multiple times, and that she knows Poe took to his heart during the battle of Crait. Somehow she just <em>knows</em> this will be just the thing to say to him, right now.<br/>
"Just because you can't see it right now, doesn't mean it's not there, you know, just like Leia used to say about hope being like the sun?"</p><p>
"...if you only believe in it when you can see it, you'll never make it through the night..." Poe still looks undecided, but like he's beginning to soften, just the tiniest bit. 
</p><p>

"And Leia never stopped believing in her son. She always knew he'd come back to her." Her voice grows softer as she goes in for the kill.<br/>
"Don't you think we should honor our late General by carrying that belief onwards? To make sure Leia's last hope and dream is fulfilled?"<br/>
She's almost whispering by now, and hopes neither Finn nor Rose can hear her. This is something that she feels will work best on Poe, who always had a special bond with Leia. 
</p><p>
He's quiet too long for comfort, but he doesn't let go of her hands. His eyes bore into hers, seemingly looking for something.<br/>
 
Whether he finds it or not Rey's not sure, but in the end he acquiesces with a nod and a muttered "okay then, you've got your respite. But the <em>second</em> he wakes up, I want to know, alright?"
</p><p>
Of course it's alright, it's more than that, and she tells him as much as she's thanking him. He looks a little bit uncomfortable by her gushing gratitude over him, gingerly patting her on the back as she clings to him with a relief-fuelled hug.
</p><p>After the conversation with Poe, she feels somewhat reassured that Ben won't be beheaded at the first chance given. The next time Chewie comes by, she is nothing but thankful to heed his suggestion of her going to get some serious sleep, in a bed(!), as well as a turn in a 'fresher and a change of clothes. </p><p>She walks through empty hallways in the bunker like structure, her steps echoing off the walls. <br/>
Her old room is just as she left it, and after a long shower she tries to get comfortable in her bed, but sleep eludes her. She can't stop worrying about Ben and how everybody else on the base will react to his being here.</p><p>She gives the effort a good fifty minutes before she gives up and gets out of bed. She chooses her lightest set of clothes, in an attempt to really drive home the image of herself as good, and the last thing she does before she leaves her room is to get rid of the leather band that's been covering the scar she got in the throne room, when she and Ben fought the Praetorian guard.
</p><p>She had foresight enough to bring a cloak with her, and it is in that she huddles up, near the foot of Ben's bacta tank. Chewie is asleep, propped up against the far wall, embracing himself and snoring in a way that fills Rey with calm, and she can finally drift off to sleep.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><br/><br/><p>The next time she wakes, she is alone, and someone has left a tray of food and drink on a nearby table. She devours every last scrap with about as much finesse as a hutt, before she goes off in search of a toilet.</p><p>On her return she finds Rose waiting for her. Turns out she was the one who brought the last tray of food, and she was just there to bring a new one around.<br/>
As Rey isn't as ravenous as usual, she timidly asks Rose to stay and split the food with her.<br/>
When she smiles and tells Rey that of course she'll stay, Rey almost collapses from the feeling of bonelessness that comes with the release of all the muscles that had apparently been cramping up in nervousness.</p><p>They sit on an empty cot, the table with the tray in between them, they both do their best to ignore the Supreme Leader-sized chunk of bacta-pickled elephant in the room. It works for a little while, but unsurprisingly it can't last.<br/>
 <br/>
  
After a prolonged silence, Rose finally exhales loudly, visibly steels herself before looking up to the tank containing Ben. Rey can see her jaw working, her teeth grinding in what she suspects is Rose doing her best to not start spewing the first things that come to mind, and she appreciates it.<br/>
 <br/>
  
"So..." Rose finally settles on.  <br/>
 <br/>
 
"So..." Rey can't answer anything but. <br/>
 <br/>
  
The silence grows. <br/>
 <br/>
 

</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Staying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You know what? This story keeps getting away from me, so I've upped the chapter count. If I follow my usual pace I'd wager this story will be done somewhere around the time Zorp comes down to earth to end all human existence (have recently rewatched Parks and recs and makes way too many references to it in my daily life).<br/>Anywho, I know where it ends, I have the ending written down! It's just that I can't quite get how we're all supposed to get there, but I'm working on it.</p><p>Remember, every time you comment, the Powers That Be sends a kitten across your path!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So how's it going with the patient formerly known as the ass-hat of the universe?" says Rose with an extremely appreciated effort of keeping things light.<br/>
<br/>
This has the benefit of making Rey feel like she can relax, and the effect of that is that she finally blurts out what's been at the forefront of her mind as of late.<br/>
"Stars Rose, I don't know! We kissed there on Exegol, right when he had resurrected me, but I don't know if that was, like, an "oh I'm so grateful that you're alive"- kiss or if he meant something else by it, you know? And it's not like I've had a chance to ask him since" she motions behind her, "with him all comatose and such, but I kind of really want to know, because I kind of really want to kiss him again, but I mean, only if he's into it, and it kind of feels like even if he <em>would</em> be into it, these aren't the optimal circumstances to start a relationship from, but on the other hand, I've never even <em> been</em> in a relationship, so what the kriff do I know? You know??"<br/>
<br/>
Rey looks imploringly at her kind-hearted and infinitely patient friend, obviously searching her eyes for the answer to this, by Rose at least, unanswerable question.<br/>
"Yeah, no...  I meant more like, 'how's it going' as in 'how's he doing', recovery wise..." Rose has to clarify.<br/>
<br/>
Embarrassment stains Rey's cheekbones a deep magenta, and she stutters forth an inelegant "Oh! Oh, okay. Er, then he's doing fine, I guess. Or I mean, I don't know. But he's alive, at least. That must be a good sign. Or at least A sign."<br/>
<br/>
In the silence that follows, all that is heard is a slow but loaded "harrumph" from Rose, and indiscernable but somehow extremely obvious *embarrassed noices* from Rey.<br/>
<br/>
After a shorter time than Rey could have hoped for, Rose can't contain her curiosity, and ventures a careful "...so... Kissing you say? You, kissing him?" She motions her head to Ben, looking bloated and strangely misshapen in the duraglass cylinder, but still nearly naked and undeniably gorgeous (in Rey's mind, at least).<br/>
<br/>
"Mhm" is all the answer that Rey manages, but unfortunately it comes out less like an affirmative, and more like a sound of sexual pleasure.<br/>
<br/>
The stunned silence from Rose and the mortified dito from Rey is instant and life-altering. When they lock eyes with each-other, all the uneasiness is finally torn to shreds, and they both burst out laughing.<br/>
<br/>
The release that brings takes a year's worth of heartache off of Rey.
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><br/><br/><p>Almost four full day cycles passes before Ben wakes up. When it finally happens she isn't even there, but has to find out through the bond.</p><p>The bond's not fully mended, it's not what it was those last few minutes on Exegol, when he had finally come to his senses and stopped trying to reject the light side, and her in the process. All she feels is a stirring of consciousness, and confused discomfort. Rey has never been submerged in a bacta tank, but it hasn't looked all that unpleasant. But then again, she has never even gone for a swim in a lake, maybe being bolstered by liquid isn't at all as luxurious as it seems to her.</p><p>She get's out of bed and is halfway out the door, before she halts herself. She has slept in these clothes for three nights in a row now, and hasn't showered in at least as long. To take a few minutes to make herself somewhat presentable shouldn't cause any undue trouble. Chewbacca is with him, she knows.<br/>
She makes quick work of washing the sweat and worry from the last few days from her hair and skin, and wraps herself up in crisp and clean clothes and arm bindings, before she makes her way to the sick bay.</p><p>When she gets there, he's out of the tank and sitting on a care bed. His hair is wet and more black than ever before, unruly on top, with wisps of it plastered across his forhead. His skin is clammy, more blueish transluscent than mere pale, but his lips are as dark a red as she has ever seen them. She can feel her lower lip tremble, unsure of whether it's from nerves of finally seeing him, and in turn being seen by him, if it's because of how frail he looks or if it is because of how much restraint she must put on herself to keep from flinging herself into his weak and maybe, probably, unwilling arms.</p><p>She can't hear him, his thoughts, only feel a shapeless presence, like how you can feel someone watching you, even if they are hiding out of sight. All of a sudden she is assaulted by fear, fear that he won't want her here. What if he'll be mad at her for bringing him here? To what is essentially his enemies lair? She knows that he felt at peace with his descision to give up his life for her, that he did it knowing there was no "after" for him. He had counted on dying right there and then, not on this. On coming back to life and having to face all the consequences of his horrendous actions.<br/>
He had never asked to have to keep going. To have to look his uncle in the eyes, as he is doing now.</p><p>Rey stands frozen in the doorway, looking at those bloodred lips, quivering quite as bad as hers are, whilst looking up at the giant wookie, towering over him. She can hear low grunts from Chewbacca, but can't make out what he's saying, and she can't read it on Ben's face or through the bond.<br/>
Maybe that's just as good. They both deserve some privacy for this.</p><p>She can see Ben's throat bobbing as he swallows, it looks painful. Slowly Chewbacca raises a paw, and pats the black-haired head, sliding it down his cheek in a furry caress.<br/>
Ben's eyes fill up with tears, and he grabs at Chewies paw with his own hand, pressing it against himself.<br/>
Rey's own eyes have teared up, and she can't hold back the sniffle that will stop her nose from running, and thus announcing her presense.<br/>
Ben's eyes snaps to her, but Chewie stand rooted to the spot for a few moments longer, before he steps away from the bed, and walks towards Rey and the exit.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
He looks at Rey, then back to Ben, then back to Rey again.<br/>
<br/>
He gives Ben's hair a last ruffle, and on his way out, he pats Rey on the head as well, letting out a soft roar, telling her that he'll let Poe know Ben's awake.
<br/>
<br/>
"Just, give us as much time as possible, will you?" Rey asks of him, not eager to have to be parted from Ben all too soon.
<br/>
<br/>
<em>I'll do my best, kid</em>, he rasps out in a low grumble. For a second it looks like he'll say something more, but then he just huffs out a giant wookie breath and turns out the door, letting it slide closed behind him. And then Rey and Ben are alone together, out of immediate danger and without the need to fight each other.<br/>
<br/>
For the first time ever, she realizes. </p><p>"So. You're awake" Rey says unneccesarily, instantly regretting and cringing from her inanity.</p><p>"Seems that way" Ben croaks back, his gaze firmly glued down on his lap, his overly large feet naked, bent in on each other, toes gripping toes, giving him a toddler-esque look, at war with all that she has ever know about him.</p><p>The fact that he, for the first time ever maybe? isn't dressed completely in black, also enhances the unmitigated feeling of "not a threat!!" that he suddenly exudes.</p><p>Seems that no one can look menacing in white, ill-fitting scrubs.</p><p><em> The more you know... </em> flits through Rey's mind. Something uncomplicated for her overly stressed-out brain to latch on to.</p><p> </p><p>After what feels like a small eternity, Rey can't take the silence anymore and clears her throat. As she is wont to do in situations of extreme discomfort, her mouth starts to speak without any connection to her brain.</p><p>"I'm sorry for bringing you here, I guess it can't be what you had in mind when you decided to go and die on me but I just couldn't leave you there, I mean not when I finally had you in my arms and I had finally gotten to see the kind of person I had hoped you could be the entire time, I mean not that I would have left you behind if you hadn't kissed me back or something, it's not like you have to feel like you owe me that or anything, I mean if you want to kiss me again I wouldn't be adverse to the idea, in fact I would probably welcome it, I just don't want you to feel like I expect it of you, or something, like your staying here and being cared for is somehow dependent on you putting out for me" and it's here somewhere Rey's brain catches up to what is basically a word vomit, cascading out of her mouth, and she clamps it firmly shut and lets her face warm with a shine a brighter red than Kylo's old lightsaber.</p><p>When she, eventually, regains control over her bodily functions, she manages to lift her eyes to search out Ben's. </p><p> </p><p>Bloodshot, tired eyes bore into hers, and in them she sees nothing but gratitude, hope and love. The smirk that drags one end of his mouth up, forming an adorable dimple in his chin, erases any regret she might have felt.</p><p>She can't contain the growing smile that tears up a crack on her dried-out and split from the fight days ago, bottom lip, but she can't mind the sting now, not when all it does is remind her that they are both alive, and she can see that smile on his face again. The one he gifted her right before he died in her arms.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
She flies to his side and all but throws herself on him, the broken cough he expels when she secures him in her arms would maybe have worried her, but his answering embrace is just as desperate and violent, and they both need this.</p><p>The med droid on duty is of a differing opinion though, it would seem.</p><p>As it begins to pull her forcibly off it's patient, Rey's hands move from around his back to cradle his face, and she wants to tell him so much, wants him to know everything, wants him to feel all that she's feeling in this moment. The look he gives her though, it gives her hope that he might actually understand her. Maybe he even looks a little bit like he feels a tiny fraction of it himself.</p><p>"That is quite enough excitement for now, I must insist you leave my patient at once! He needs rest and my assessment of his injuries really can't wait any longer. He might be out of the tank but he is not yet out of danger! The human body is a deeply flawed design, way too many components that are reliant on each other, and if one fails it starts a cascade that inevitably leads to complete shut-down. You are all in dire need of an upgrade, I hate to say", the droid says, in no way sounding as though it hates to point out the inferiority of humans compared to droids.</p><p>They might have found the one droid more prone to hyperbole and hysterics than C3PO, and that in itself is a feat worthy to take some time to meditate on, thinks Rey as she lets herself be lead out of the med droids domain and deposited out in the hallway.</p><p>Before she has had time to process it all, she is once again without the comforting and confusing company of one Benjamin Solo.</p><p>"Ri'ias shorts!" She swears when she realizes what just transpired.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><br/><br/><p>A few hours later and Rey is seated in the dining hall, hungry for the first time in days and therefore wolfing down anything her table-neighbours aren't quick enough to snatch out of her wandering hands.</p><p>Rose and Kaydel looks at her with bemused expressions, while Finn, Poe and Jannah leans more towards the weary side of the spectrum. They are also the ones more prone to defend their food from Rey.</p><p>As preoccupied as she is with stuffing her face, she still notices the glance shared between Finn and Poe, telling her they have had time to regroup since Chewie spoke with Poe after him leaving Ben.</p><p>Once Rey had been thrown out from the med bay, she had sought out Chewie and Poe. </p><p>Chewie might have done a fine job of explaining all things regarding Ben, but Rey isn't convinced Poe understands shyriwook as well as he claims, plus there are large parts that no-one but Rey knows the truth about.
<br/>
<br/>
It takes some time, but together they retell all of the events, from when Rey saw Poe on Kef Bir, to when they all turned up on Ajan Kloss again. The fact that Kylo Ren has died, and that the person now at the base is nothing more than Ben, maybe Solo, is what Rey stresses the most. They can't put Kylo Ren on trial because he's <b>dead</b>, and to punish Ben for Kylo's sins can't be done without punishing Rey just the same. (Even if she can't be sure if that's how it would work, the fact that they have both experienced the others' emotions, pain and injuries kind of is enough for Rey to exaggerate to the point where she states that if he dies, so will she.) If he hurts, so will she. If he is in any way punished, she will be as well.</p><p>And if they need to send him away, she will have to go with him.</p><p>"You have lived your whole life apart from him, though!" Poe tries to interject, an air of exasperation to him that is familiar and almost comforting to Rey.</p><p>It actually almost puts a smile on her face, as she explains to him that she feels certain that their dynamic shifted for good when they lent each other their life force. The bond between them that was already forged became solid, and it's now a neccessity to stay close to keep, not only healthy, but even alive.</p><p> 
In the end, Poe had promised to think it through and take it up for discussion with Finn, who is his closest confidant and highest ranked friend. Rey wishes she could feel secure in the knowledge that Finn'll have her back, but she can't. The quiet tension in the air around their dining table tells her all is not over and done with, and the final word on her and Ben's destiny hasn't been decided yet.
</p><p>
When Rey has eaten all that she'll be able to, she leans back in her chair and looks around her. There are people milling about the hall, some carrying trays with food, on their way to a table, others carry trays with leftovers, walking towards the recycling bins. People sitting, standing and walking together, talking, laughing, whispering. It all seems so normal. Relaxed.<br/>
<br/>
"I take it you haven't spread the word about Ben being here to the population in general?" Rey asks of Poe.<br/>
<br/>
He shakes his head, then looks to Finn as if searching for support. Finn nods once, eyes downcast after a quick flick up to Poe's.<br/>
<br/>
"...and I don't think we shall, either."<br/>
<br/>
Rey's heart stops in her chest for a moment, terrified of letting herself hope that this means what she think it sounds like.<br/>
<br/>
"...and as much as I'd like to just kick him off the planet and hope to never see him again, I feel like I need to have a talk with him." Poe nails her to her seat with his look as he emphasizes "Alone."<br/>
<br/>
Rey's not sure how to feel, but on her left sits Rose, and she suddenly feel her tiny but strong hand grip her thigh in a reassuring squeeze.<br/>
"Well that sounds entirely reasonable, doesn't it, Rey?" She asks, squeezing again on her thigh, making Rey certain she'll come away bruised.<br/>
But Rose is right, of course she is. Even if Ben is weak right now, she still doubts Poe could do him any damage.<br/>
<br/>
"Yes, of course you should see him" she says, trying not to fidget. "Do you want me to see if he's up to it right now?"<br/>
<br/>
Poe heaves a sigh before he answers, "better sooner than later, I guess."<br/>
<br/>
Through the Force she can feel that just like her, Poe has a steadying hand on his thigh, and her eyes search out Finn's in a silent "thank you". He might have only meant it as a comfort for Poe, but she can't help but feel like without it, things might have not gone quite as smoothly.<br/>
<br/>
"Right then, I'll go check him out right away" says Rey as she grabs her tray and the littering of napkins and paper plates she has spread out around her, making a detour for the recycling station before, once again, heading towards the med bay, and Ben.

</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><br/><br/><p>
Ben is not excited by the prospect of seeing, much less talking with, Poe. No surprises there, Rey hadn't expected anything less than acute opposition, so when the only reaction is a low and long rumble from deep in his chest, it really is a very happy surprise.<br/>
<br/>
He was asleep as she entered his room, still hooked up to tubes and drips, bacta patches covering a large portion of the part of his body she could see. The meddlesome droid nowhere to be seen, Rey sneaks up to his bedside and takes this opportunity to really look at him, at his face, at his body. She feels a little bit like a creep, but her need to memorize his every feature, to compare what she's seeing now to what she has known of his apperance in the past, is too great. She can afford to be a bit creepy, she thinks.<br/>
<br/>
He is still thinner than he was before the bacta tank, but his skin is less sickly looking. Some colour has returned to his cheeks and some has disappeared from the bruise-like circles under his eyes. He looks more human-coloured, at a whole. His hair is dry, spread around his head like a dark halo, all that volume and shine once again restored.<em> It must be those Alderaanian hair-genes</em>, she can't remeber ever seeing hair as beautiful as his before.<br/>
<br/>
He's still asleep. She could touch it, couldn't she? Or would that be crossing the line between "a little bit creepy" and "call for a restraining order"? She hesitates with her hand halfway between her side and his head, uncertain if it would be allowed. (Allowed by who, by him? By that droid? By her own moral code?) Of course this is the moment he chooses to wake up. Judging by the lightning-fast grip he takes of her wrist, only to drag her hand up to his hair, she suspects he has actually been awake for quite some time, eavesdropping on her thoughts.<br/>
<br/>
"'mnot eavesdropping, you're projecting" he croaks out, vocal cords unused and just shy of atrophied. "Your thoughts are so loud, you woke me up" he continues to almost force the words out as he slowly blinks his eyes open.<br/>
<br/>
Her eyes meets his as soon as he's able to focus them. <em>I can't help it, I don't know how to shield from you right now, everything I feel, it's too intense?</em> and he can do nothing but smile at her as she looks so confused, but at the same time resigned and kind of, almost, fine with it.<br/>
<br/>
"You don't need to shield your thoughts from me, Rey. I can't tell you how amazing it feels to have you in my mind, and nothing, no-one, else", his smile falters not, but she can still feel the lingering pain of all those years of Snoke in his head, filling him with vile lies and hatred. "You in there? It's like a soft caress, Rey. It doesn't feel wrong, or weird. It feels like you belong", and as he says the last word out loud, so does she.<br/>
<br/>
"I feel the same" she whispers, like she can't believe her luck. Like the thought of belonging to him is a welcome one, even cherished.<br/>
<br/>
The hand he still has wrapped around her wrist, holding her hand in his hair, tightens involuntarily, his thumb stroking the inside of her wrist. He feels her slight shiver, and hears her sharp intake of breath, and his skin breaks out in goosebumps.<br/>
<br/>
They stand in silence, eyes filled of the other, no need to commune with words. Only feelings remain, matter. Her hand carding through his hair, uneven nails dragging across his scalp, causing new waves of goosebumps to erupt, again and again and again.<br/>
<br/>
If it hadn't been for her feet starting to ache, there's no telling how long she would have stayed like that. Untill his scalp had been scratched raw, probably. But as she is forced to shift her weight, the spell they seem to've been under is lifted, and she remembers that she had an actual purpose of this visit, beside just wanting to see him.<br/>
<br/>
"Poe wants to talk to you" she mumbles, afraid to force them out too abruptly of this serene bubble of theirs. He seems to be on the same page, if the reverberations from him, more felt than heard, is something to go by.<br/>
"He hasn't made it know yet, that you're here. Everyone thinks Kylo Ren must have died, since he hasn't been heard from since before Exegol." She averts her eyes from his before she continues, "and when I told the story of what happened to Poe and Finn, I told them I killed Kylo Ren back at the Death Star. Because I think I did."<br/>
<br/>
Ben doesn't know what to think. He doesn't feel like Kylo Ren, because the defining trait of Ren was his anger and his constant battle to keep the light at bay. All of that is gone now, and he doesn't miss it. What he remembers of Ben, he suspects is mostly what Snoke told him. That he was weak, sad and pathetic. Uncapable and underserving of love and affection, and that isn't something he can sign under on now, either. He's got nothing but love, respect and admiration for the person in front of him, full to the brim he feels, overflowing even.<br/>
"Then I'll say that to Poe aswell". He can't think of anything else to say. "If he'll believe me or not, is another question. But at least now I've got something to work from, thank you, Rey." He can't seem to keep himself from saying her name at every chance he gets. He loves to call her by her name, and not "the scavenger", or "the girl". He feels like he's being given a gift, every time he's allowed to take her name in his mouth, to speak it aloud as if evoking a deity. She blushes at this, his inner musings, elevating her beyond mere mortals.<br/>
<br/>
"Then I'll go get him right away, is that alright, Ben?" she also wants to try it out, speaking his name to see if she's met with the same reverence as him. Not quite, but she still loves it, the taste, the way it makes her tongue move in her mouth. "Ben..." she all but purrs. It makes her blush even harder, and it makes Ben smile, as well as blush. He wants to be that Ben, whose name sounds like a sigh of pure wonder when spoken by her.<br/>
<br/>
"Anything for you" he whispers, and he hopes she knows that's true.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
She isn't gone more than a few minutes, but in that short time Ben has managed to work himself up into quite a state. Poe was the son his mother always wished she'd had, Ben the grim disappointment. Now that man holds the fate of not only him, but also Rey, in his hands. Ben has spent so much time trying to not be jealous of Poe, trying to not care about him enough to hate him, but always failing just the same. The fear of not being able to hide all of that old hurt and hate is what is gnawing at him. If he can't resort to violence and murder to solve his conflicts, how can he be expected to even try? He can't remember how it's done, how normal people talk, argue, disagree or fight.<br/>
He's reminded of the benefits of sharing a single soul between two persons, when he suddenly feels his nerves calm, if not completely at least enough. <em>Rey knows, </em>she's had training since leaving Jakku, no longer using her big stick to solve all disagreements, but instead trusting in her words. She knows how to handle Poe. Although he seriously doubts that Poe would take it all that kindly if Ben started treating him the same way that Rey does. There's probably some sort of slow, acclimatizing process before you can trade insults like the two of them do, and to skip that to go straight to flinging accusations will most definitely not go over all that well for Ben.<br/>
<br/>
<em>You'll have me right there with you, Ben</em> she soothes and reassures. <em>Even if I'm not in the room with you, as long as you want me to I'll try to help out all that I can</em>.<br/>
<br/>
And Ben wants, he makes sure there's no room for doubt in his mind, how much he wants, <em>needs</em>, Rey to help him through this.<br/>
<br/>
The sound of the door hissing open to let in Poe is accompanied by Rey's calming reassurances. Ben feels slightly less on the brink of instant death, destruction and catastrophic failure. <em>Bring it, Dameron</em> he whispers, quiet enough that the sound won't reach the door, but it still does the trick of making him feel more ready, prepared to weather what he must, to ensure Rey's trust in him won't prove ill-placed.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
He works his jaw, biting down on nothing. A sure tell that he is out of his comfort zone. He makes a concentrated effort to relax the muscles in his face, neck and shoulders, gathers up all the stale air that's been brewing in his core with all the hate and fear that lives there, draws it up into his chest. He keeps it there until he is certain he's got it all under control.<br/>
Then he slowly lets it all go. Out through his nose, a centering exhale that will leave him fresh, clean. Ready.<br/>
<br/>
"Hello, Dameron" he says in a low tone.<br/>
<br/>
"Yeah, we'll see about that" answers the other pilot brusquely, stepping inside and letting the door shut behind him.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Title is a paraphrasing of a line from Henry Scott-Holland's poem <em>Death is nothing at all</em>, and I also sneaked another line from the same poem into the story.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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